Dan's Papers - June 29, 2007 - Dan's Likes Short Shorts

Blame it on Jessica Simpson. Although The Dukes of Hazzard was roundly panned by critics (and pretty much everyone else) as an undeniably cheesy disaster; the extremely well promoted remake generated a blizzard of publicity surrounding those iconic denim cut-offs. Strutting across the silver screen, cheeks barely covered, Simpson in her Daisy Dukes tapped into the ongoing trend of nostalgia for everything 80s (including TV at its most corny), igniting a wave of skimpy shorts on fashion runways, from the predictably sexxxy (Roberto Cavalli, DSquared), to the classy (Hermes, Andrew Gn), highbrow (Chanel, Christian Lacroix), circus-performer spangly (Elie Saab, Wunderkind) and most interestingly: super short juxtaposed against an exaggerated high waist (Prada, Pollini) a la Marilyn Monroe in 50s pinup mode.

Do not attempt to jump into this trend without knowing the rules - which protect both innocent bystanders and your dignity.

1. THOU SHALT NOT think it's okay to appear in public accompanied by your virtually-exposed butt cheeks unless you're: a) actually Daisy Duke; b) on a high fashion runway making $5000+ per day; or c) shaking your booty in a rap video, a comely pop tartlet under the age of 20, or Mariah Carey.

2. THOU SHALT avoid flimsy material, terrycloth or skimpy jersey to avoid being mistaken for an off-duty stripper. As the shorts get shorter, fabric that is darker and stiffer give the classier, tailored vibe you want - as do interesting details like cuffs, buttons, piping, and tailored welt pockets.

3. THOU SHALT pair thy shorts with the right top. Try a matching suit jacket or sleeveless vest and billowy chiffon secretary blouse (Hermes, Chanel), a shrunken balloon-sleeve jacket or gauzy white poet blouse (Sonia Rykiel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Gianfranco Ferre, Giambattista Valli), breezy babydoll top (Valentino), a sweet puff sleeve blouse (Andrew Gn, Undercover, Blumarine) or comfy Flashdance off-one-shoulder tees (Balmain).

4. THOU SHALT NOT pair thy short shorts with seductive shoes (unless you happen to meet the requirements of Commandment #1). As with skirts, the time-honored rule applies: the shorter the hem length, the lower the heel. Show off your footwear savvy in the season's metallic Grecian flats, flirty low-heeled peep-toes, or perhaps a cheery pair of Havaiana flip-flops. If heels are a must, espadrille wedges or beefy leather stacked wood heels keep you looking chic rather than cheap, as will platform pumps a la Christian Louboutin.

5. THOU SHALT NOT spend a lot. We're talking a fun seasonal trend here, not heavy-duty wardrobe investment.

Once you've committed the commandments to memory, it's time to shop! A high-waisted short with minimal 1.5 to 2 inch inseam provides the most runway-ready look, such as the trouser-cut Karen Walker Rizzo ($215 at LeTrainBleu.com), black denim Silence & Noise ($68 - UrbanOutfitters.com) or Grey Ant Highway ($190 - CreaturesofComfort.com) with 70s-style wash and flattering fit that actual wearers warmly praise because "nothing hangs out that shouldn't."

For sophisticated city days, neutral hues like black, navy, khaki or white are can't-fail, especially in a tailored trouser cut with stylish cuffs and a 4 (or even 6) inch inseam. ($60 or less at www.BananaRepublic.com, www.JCrew.com, and UrbanOutfitters.com).

If the mood is casual, try Roxy's Rena plaid short with a loosely rolled-up cuff and 3.5 inch inseam ($26 - IslandSurf.com), Marlow's Cornflower Blue ($70 - ShopKitson.com) or yee-haw'ish red & white plaid ($29.50 - Delias.com). Full-on beach bum mode requires nothing less than real-deal denim cut-offs like Siwy's Camilla heavily faded Imagine wash ($145 - ActiveEndeavors.com).

And if an actual Daisy Duke moment is simply inevitable, shimmy into something super skimpy from the new Denim by Victoria Beckham line ($200 - ShopKitson.com).

With the right length short for your body, mood, and modesty quotient, you're assured as much attention as Daisy, without having to adopt a fake Southern accent.