Dan's Papers - June 13, 2008 - Twentysomething...By David Lion Rattiner

Everywhere I go lately people have been turning their heads at me, especially women. They completely turn around as I drive by, and smile and wave. I smile and wave back, give a wink and speed off. I'm the man, I think. I love being me. Life is good.

Besides being incredibly fuel-efficient, the Smart Car gets a lot of attention on the road. But if you're like me, you might for at least half a day (or a month) think they are turning heads and smiling at you because of your insanely cool hairstyle (I've been sporting mine since sixth grade). Pretending you are a super-stud while driving a Smart Car is one of the many benefits of owning one. I think that driving around in a Smart Car isn't all that different from being a celebrity.

Reality hit me the other day, however, when I borrowed my Dad's truck to move some furniture. I was getting scowls while driving. Looks that said, "When are you going to get rid of that gas-guzzling SUV?" Looks that said, "How are you affording the gas on that thing?" I felt kind of guilty driving it around.

A friend of mine, whom I will keep anonymous so he doesn't get stoned to death, owns a Hummer. He can't sell it because who the hell is gonna buy a Hummer these days? So he keeps his Hummer in his yard and occasionally drives it down the street, which, as far as gas is concerned, costs him about $1,400 a month. He was walking down North Main Street and I was sitting in my Smart Car while it was parked. He walked up to my window with a big smile on his face, "How does it feel? Does it feel good?"

"Does it drive well?"

"Oh yes, it's really nice on the road."

"Can you fit in that thing?"

This is a common question that I get and it really annoys me. Of course I fit in the car. If I didn't I wouldn't be driving it. The car would not be selling if I didn't fit into it. I'm a big guy, but it's not like I'm King Kong or something. I even have video of my friend who weighs 350 pounds that fits in it just fine. IT'S A CAR, OF COURSE I CAN FIT IN IT, I'VE BEEN DRIVING IT EVERYWHERE!

"Yep, I can fit in it. There is actually a lot of room in the car."

We chatted further about cars and about business, and off my friend went.

I zipped back out onto the road, sort of feeling down about things and needing something to get my spirits back up. I suddenly knew exactly what it was that would put me in a good mood.

I pulled a U-turn and headed down Main Street in East Hampton, looped around into the parking lot and then headed back down Newtown Lane. I was gonna do a few laps and get some attention from chicks.

I mentally convinced myself that I was driving a regular car, and looked out the window. Within minutes women of all ages were waving at me like I was Brad Pitt or something. Hello ladies, I thought. There were several people turning heads.