Dan's Papers - June 15, 2007 - The Bare Minimum

It's here. That season we all love to dread, when the women of the Northern hemisphere strip down to the bare minimum and flaunt whatever they've got out in the sun for all to see. Unfortunately, it seems that Mother Nature never anticipated the advent of the bikini, so even women who wouldn't normally think to groom certain places need to head to the spa and get waxed into shape. Which shape they choose, however, is entirely based on personal preference, and the size of their favorite suit.

When I was sixteen years old and all the Brazilian models were just becoming famous, a Brazilian-raised bombshell started attending my high school. She had just moved to New York from Rio and brought with her a wealth of knowledge, including a delicious recipe for "jungle juice" and closets packed with some of the sexiest clothes I had ever seen. Her multicolored leather pants and sky-high heels put my Betsey Johnson dresses and Nine West heels to shame, and soon I was borrowing from her closet before every social event. Of course, all of these things could be found in New York City and it wasn't long before I had a few pairs of my own. However, there were some things in her closet that were not yet being sold in New York City stores - Brazilian bikinis. These were pretty much identical to American bikinis on top, albeit a bit smaller, but on the bottom they were nothing like the string bottoms I was accustomed to wearing, nor were they anywhere near to the boy-cut briefs my parents ordered me to wear when we went to the beach together. These bottoms were simply two identical triangles joined together at the sides with inch-thick straps. "Which side is the front?" I asked my friend. "It doesn't matter," she replied. I had to borrow one. But when I tried it on, it was clear that my mother's French bikini wax was not going to cut it. The next week, I went to the Elisabeth Arden Salon and Spa at SAKS Fifth Avenue to have everything taken off. And I have been going there every five weeks ever since.

This past week, however, I was due for a tune-up but couldn't make it in to The City before the weekend. I was wary of seeing anyone out here as I had been burned - literally - a few times when I couldn't wait and went to a spa that seemed professional and experienced but turned out to be a disaster. But now that I am a local, it is essential that I at least find a backup person for all of my services out here, just in case. I called Gurney's Sea Water Spa in Montauk, where some of my coworkers have their beauty services done, and booked a Brazilian. Although Gurney's Sea Water Salon and Spa is a beautiful, relaxing place, I sat in the waiting room wringing my hands, anticipating the harsh sting of an inexperienced waxer. Minutes later, a young aesthetician named Elsie came out to find me and led me into one of the clean, comfortable treatment rooms.

Although Elsie looked young, she assured me that she had been working at Gurney's for seventeen years and had been trained by one of the best teachers in the business. She also told me that they key to a pleasant waxing experience is being comfortable with one another and working together. She told me when to hold the skin taught and which position to lie in for each part of the process. The wax she used was a green tea wax, which helped to soothe my sensitive skin. The wax was so mild that I didn't feel any pain, only a little discomfort here and there. When I was done, I felt clean, fresh and beach-ready, no matter how small my bikini might be and the whole process took less than thirty minutes. Of course, it is not necessary to go completely bare. Should you choose to leave some on, popular shapes include a heart, upside-down triangle, elongated rectangle ("the landing strip") or anything else you and your aesthetician can dream up. This summer, don't limit yourself to boy shorts. Be daring! Just be prepared. To book an appointment with Elsie, call Gurney's Sea Water Spa at (631) 668-1892 or (631) 668-2345, ext. 7600.