Dan's Papers - June 15, 2007 - Paris Hilton Makes Our Predictions Come True

(Last Friday June 8, as Paris Hilton of Southampton went back in jail, I posted the following in Dan's Blog on danshamptons.com. Feel free to comment on this on that site.)

I think what is happening to Paris Hilton is bad for the Hamptons. Here we have this rich, spoiled, out of control little girl who shops, twitters, parties, jumps from bed to bed and lauds it over everybody and she is just -- well, she's from Southampton. Our poster girl. And now they have stuck her in the slammer for 42 days. Just because she was driving her car drunk and might, in that condition, kill somebody -- shut up! No way! -- which, by the way, would be better for the Hamptons. Remember the rule. It's not what they say about you, it's THAT they say it about you.

Let's review this situation. The whole jail thing, as you know, was a setup. She got caught driving drunk AGAIN, and because she got caught driving drunk before and said she wouldn't do it again, they HAD to convict her of a felony.

But the good lawyer they had for her, of course he was the BEST, made a secret deal with the sheriff in the jailhouse. She'd be sentenced to 24 days by the judge, go into jail, and then -- and here's the secret part -- after a few days, she'd get the approval with the sheriff to be sent home to her west coast mansion with an ankle bracelet for good behavior.

So that's what they did. But she didn't get good behavior, she got off for "medical reasons." She was just so upset that she couldn't stop crying.

This is not the way to treat a rich heiress from the Hamptons. She cried and cried. The other inmates felt terrible. The jailers felt terrible. They sent in the jail doctor, they sent in a psychiatrist, they sent in a trauma doctor and they all agreed. She would have to be allowed to go home or she would die.

She was out for 48 hours and everybody and anybody said this was the biggest rip-off in the history of the world, and so the judge, who originally sentenced her, called her back in and convicted her on a much more serious charge -- mocking the seriousness of the Los Angeles County judicial system. Now she was sentenced to 42 days. And as she was carried off. headed directly for jail, she shouted to her mother in the audience "Mom! Mom! This is wrong!"

So now she's back in jail. The real problem for the Hamptons is that, with 42 days in there, she will soon stop screaming and crying. You can't cry forever. And so you do something else. In her case, the fear is that she might learn what it means to be a serious person. She is 26 years old, after all. Not 18.

What if she sees the light? What if she gets out and says she has seen the light. She will give away her fortune to the poor. She will get a job. She will join a church. She will get married and have kids. She will get fat and join the Parent Teachers' Association. And she will never do anything bad again.

This cannot, I swear to God, on the soul of the Hamptons, be allowed to happen. We don't have another Paris Hilton. Free Paris!

Three days after I posted this blog, Paris Hilton released the following statement from jail. "I'm not the same person I was. I used to act dumb. It was an act. I am 26 years old and that act is no longer cute. It is not who I am, nor do I want to be that person. God has now released me. I have become much more spiritual. God has given me this new chance. I intend to make a difference in this world with my time."