Dan's Papers - June 5, 2009 - The Hampton Subway Newsletter

Rudolph Giuliani was seen on the Hampton Subway between Sag Harbor station and Noyack. Inspecting the equipment, Mr. Mayor?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to Florence Krapalick, our Hampton Bays token booth operator who has just completed one full year of a court mandated anger management program.

We've had some curious dealings with the Charleston Flea Circus Company of Charleston, South Carolina. The manager of the circus, a man named Billings, tried to reserve a car on the subway for two weeks so passengers could enjoy the services of his dedicated troupe as they performed for that period. We told him that we do not reserve cars and that riders simply get on whatever car they wish, but he pointed out that according to past newsletters, we have occasionally reserved certain cars for weddings and brisses and such, and he said he was willing to pay whatever it was we charged those people. If we would not accept his request he would sue. The Hamptons, he had been told, was the most fabulous resort in America and he wanted his team of fleas to be part of it. This request was brought up at the next Hampton Subway board meeting. With the company lawyer there urging that we accept the request out of fear of a discrimination lawsuit, the board took a vote that ended in a tie at 4 to 4, with the Commissioner on vacation in Las Vegas and unable to vote because of his being in the middle of a "day of beauty" at the Royal Palms Spa.

It was suggested that the matter be postponed to the following day, but in the end, a proposal was put on the table that we reject the application because we didn't want to be infested with fleas. This was approved 8 to 0 and the flea circus so informed. No lawsuit has yet been filed.

The circus is coming to town July 31. As a result, the public is invited to see the great trunk to tail Elephant Walk through the subway tunnel from our Eastport stop to the Shinnecock stop, where the two-day Circus tents will be waiting to receive everybody.

Elephants are not allowed to perform in Southampton Town as a result of an ordinance passed two years ago at the request of the Cruelty to Elephants and Other Large Animals Society (CEOLAS). But the neighboring Town of Brookhaven has no such ordinance and neither does the Shinnecock Indian Nation, where the circus is to take place. Our Eastport stop is the only stop on the Hampton Subway that is in Brookhaven. And the Shinnecock stop is just a few lumbering steps from the Shinnecock Indian Reservation. You get the picture.

The Subway Authority was enthusiastic in approving this Elephant Walk. It is the same sort of walk done in the middle of the night when the circus elephants march through the East River Tunnel to get to Madison Square Garden. That brings both the circus and the tunnel authority great publicity. Hampton Subway's Elephant Walk will be between 3 and 5 a.m. on the morning of July 31. To get to see it, all you will have to do is pay the $2 to get through the turnstiles to the subway platforms in Westhampton Beach, the Quogues, Hampton Bays and Shinnecock. Although this is the normal time when the subway is closed for maintenance, we intend to stay open that one night for this event and the hell with maintenance. What an exciting event.

The problems with the confusion on the subway system last Thursday afternoon with people getting off and on the trains at the wrong stops has been fixed, and we apologize for any inconveniences.

The problems arose when Harriet Farber, the new "Voice of the Hampton Subway," had to pick up her five-year-old daughter at the Hampton Bays Bo Peep Grammar School when the regular woman who does that was unable to do so. Visiting with Harriet at the subway's Hampton Bays headquarters was her Uncle Marco, here in America to visit the family from his home in Italy. He enthusiastically offered to take over the calling of the stops over the subway intercom system for the hour she would have to be away, and though Harriet was skeptical at first, she finally, to her regret, was won over by Uncle Marco's enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, Uncle Marco's command of English is not too good. A little yellow light would light up on the console as one of the trains approached the Amagansett Station - Hampton Subway has never modernized this old 70-year-old system - and Uncle Marco was supposed to announce, "Next stop Amagansett." Then, when the light turned red, he was supposed to say, "Watch out for the closing doors," which apparently came out over the loud speakers on that train as "Watch-a-out for the watchamacallets." He also had station names wrong and other matters incorrect, as various other lights blinked on or off. There are usually eight trains at one time that have to be monitored. It's not easy.