Dan's Papers - June 6, 2008 - A Sculpture From the Sea

Looking for a sea change in your home? For a simple yet stunning twist on the nautical look, nothing measures up to narwhal tusks. Ivory tapering in an elegant spiral up to 9 or 10 feet long, such a majestic natural specimen from the glacial waters near the North Pole makes a distinctive sculptural statement.

In 1909, explorer Frederick Cook described how he traded matches, candy, a knife and a spoon to an Eskimo matron in exchange for two narwhal tusks. As the horns were worth $150, the Arctic adventurer surely felt he got the better end of the deal. Today, narwhal tusks can cost $20,000 for one under 8 ft., but an enterprising reader could always place an ad on the Alaska Craigslist seeking to swap some odd trinkets for a giant mammalian tooth!

Narwhal tusks were once a highly coveted curiosity and a potent symbol of wealth and status. Nowadays they are a conversation piece with considerable charisma. Reputed to be imbued with mystical powers of healing and an antidote to poison, unicorn horns, in reality narwhal tusks, were sold at monstrous sums to the nobility and aristocracy from the 14th through the 17th century. To be fair, many believed that the narwhal was really an aquatic unicorn, which is rather bizarre, as it's in fact a mottled grey, blubbery marine mammal.

First brought back to Europe by the Vikings, the highly prized horns were fashioned into jeweled goblets, knife handles, scepters, and even thrones. Queen Elizabeth I was presented with a tusk valued at #10,000, or roughly the cost of a castle. Benvenuto Cellini, the narcissistic and rather pugilistic Renaissance-era artist, once designed an elaborate mount for a so-called "unicorn's horn" expressly for the Pope. Holy Roman Emperor Charles V even paid off a large national debt with two such priceless tusks. Sorry to say that if you happen to own a narwhal tusk these days, you probably couldn't offset your student loans or Visa bill with it, although perhaps you could convince a gullible collector that it was indeed a fabled unicorn's horn.

Because the narwhal is a rather mysterious and covert creature that lives under the Arctic ice, the function for its toothsome tusk has been much debated. Some have suggested that the horn is used for spearing through the ice like a giant ice pick. Others have asserted that the tusk is a tool for impaling prey or serves as an antenna receiving diverse sensory cues. However, recent close observation of narwhal colonies has exposed that the tusk is akin to a flashy sports car - it's the ultimate phallic symbol. In mating season, male narwhals spar and joust with their tusks. This courtship display is enacted to entice lovely lady narwhals looking to date the most macho specimen. It's a show of "mine's bigger than yours."

Really cool narwhal tusks are akin to the massive pairs of elephant tusks that were de rigueur in a truly swinging '70s bachelor pad along side the mirrored walls, fur bedspread, shag rug, sleek sectional, rocking sound system and dimmers. As the length is a measure of the sea creature's studly nature, why not adopt a narwhal tusk as a sign of your own male prowess? Regale your friends with a tall tale of your journey to the North Pole, where you ventured out on the icy seas in a rickety kayak to single-handedly harpoon a fierce and feisty narwhal during the mating season, risking your life and winning the hearts of all the Eskimo girls. While a narwhal tusk is truly impressive, such a legend will only add a further shine to its glittering ivory length, as well as polish up your persona. (If you are a woman and you recount a similar adventure, you will become truly mythical.)

Or, given the Dan's Papers readership's love of hoaxes, why not push the fantasy a little further and allege that you are the proud possessor of a unicorn horn! One proviso is that ladies will be upset if you profess to have killed the unicorn, and they will gang up on you in a most unfeminine manner. In addition, if your female friends are familiar with the lore of the mystical creature, they will know that you would have required the assistance of a beautiful maiden to lure the unicorn to its death. That fact, as much as the heartless slaughter of a wondrous fairytale being, would surely mark you as a beast. Better to claim that you recently discovered you are European nobility, and the unicorn horn is a tribute bequeathed upon you by a minor yet fabulously wealthy, nearly unheard-of nation.

A few years ago I was working for a major interior decorator in New York. She had to pick up a narwhal tusk at Ruzzetti and Gow, purveyors of a dazzling array of natural objects, and parade back to the office down Madison Avenue brandishing this outrageous natural specimen. Narwhal tusks decorated the designer's townhouse, and the piece in question was destined for a client's contemporary penthouse. No passers-by commented on the majestic lance. Anything goes in Manhattan, but surely Hamptonites could stir up some controversy and competition amongst friends and neighbors with the tusks of the monodnon monoceros presiding over your living rooms!

Narwhals are not a threatened or endangered species, but we do suggest that you purchase an "antique" tusk. There are also resin copies available on the market. Currently popular giant resin clamshells seen in numerous decorating magazines and shimmering, chic Capiz shell chandeliers are also marvelous ways to introduce an oceanic feeling to your interior without verging on kitsch, but narwhal tusks have always been in a class of their own for intrigue and appeal.