Dan's Papers - June 6, 2008

Once again, two beaches in the Hamptons, both of them open to the public, have been ranked in the top 10 beaches in the country by a respected authority. One of them, Coopers Beach in Southampton, is rated number four. The other, Main Beach in East Hampton, is rated number six.

The ratings were issued last week by Dr. Stephen Leatherman, who is the director of Florida International University's Laboratory for Coastal Research. Leatherman began issuing his annual ratings 10 years ago. Last year, Coopers Beach was rated number three in the country, so it has slipped to number four. Last year, Main Beach in East Hampton was rated number seven, so it has moved up a slot to number six, which makes us wonder what it was that got East Hampton to move up, and Southampton to move down.

According to the Lab, Leatherman balances 50 criteria when considering the ratings, including erosion, sand quality and accessibility. He refuses to say what it was that made Coopers Beach move down and Main Beach move up, but praises both beaches' waves, width and water quality while deducting a few points because visitors have to buy a permit to park their cars in the lots of each beach.

"There are many hundreds of beaches in America," Leatherman said, "and maybe 100,000 miles of shoreline. If you're in the top 10, you're kind of splitting hairs at the top. I'm still looking for the perfect beach."

Our personal observation of Main Beach this year is that it seems to have more sand on it than last year, so maybe that was why it went up. In Southampton, although the amount of sand remained the same, some other beaches across the country might have gotten more. Hanalei Beach in Kauai, Hawaii, for example, moved up to number two. In any case, there are plenty of babes and hunks on both beaches all summer and that has not changed. And there are almost never sharks. Sharks move you down the list. Shark bites move you off the list.

One oddity about Leatherman's annual rating is that whoever gets the number one spot each year gets to be retired from the list. At first I thought this just meant that the beach was no longer being considered, but to my horror, I have discovered that what really happens is that the beach that finishes number one is actually bulldozed out and filled with boulders.

Just go visit Fleming Beach in Maui, Hawaii that was number one two years ago, and have a look. Or Ocracoke Island Beach in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, that won last year. I understand that the Caladesi Island State Park Beach in Clearwater, Florida is already in the process of being dismantled.

Under the circumstances, I think the thing to shoot for here in the Hamptons is number two, which this year was won, as I said before, by Hanalei Beach in Kauai, Hawaii. There was frantic activity out there this past April when local residents realized they might be selected number one. So a fundraiser was held, money raised and lots of dead horseshoe crabs were imported and sprinkled onto the beach to rot just before Leatherman arrived for his annual inspection. Believe you me, a great sigh of relief was heaved by the Hawaiians when they got that coveted number two spot.