Dan's Papers - May 29, 2009

A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health in 2004, said that "Drinking with parents appears to have a protective effect on general drinking trends."

Now before anyone begins convulsing over the thought that a medical journal is advocating an elementary school child having a Manhattan or two before bed with his parents, let me explain.

The idea is not to booze it up with your children. In fact, the study isn't a recommendation at all, but observation. The theory is that when children see parents and adults drinking alcohol as part of their home culture, it actually protects them against reckless drinking to an extent. Now before anyone begins convulsing over the thought that having beer blasts with your teenagers will keep them out of future keg parties, let me explain.

The idea is: Do as the Romans (or other Italians, Spanish or French) do. In those Mediterranean countries, drinking, usually at the family table, is simply a part of the culture. Children see their parents and other adults having wine with dinner just as they'd have some nice cheese afterwards. Alcohol isn't presented to children as a drug used to escape from problems or squash feelings of anger or sadness. It is simply a food custom. And statistics bear it out. In Italy and Spain, there is a low rate of alcohol dependence - not even 1% in Italy, 2.8% in Spain. In the U.S., the rate of alcohol dependence is almost 8%.

Of course there are those who have a predisposition to become alcoholic - it is genetic. If that's the case in an immediate family member or even in recent family history (grandparents, aunts, uncles), then one must proceed with tremendous caution. For those who are alcoholic in nature, even if they witness "normal' drinking, chances are they won't drink normally. It was explained to me like this: A social drinker has one or two, starts to feel a little tipsy, and stops. An alcoholic has one or two, starts to feel tipsy, and is off to the races. A physical, chemical reaction occurs, rendering the person unable to have any control over what happens after that. Many a "qualification" in 12-step rooms comes from those who grew up with teetotalers or social drinkers, who still "became" alcoholics. (I use quotes because many in the medical community believe one doesn't become an alcoholic, one is born an alcoholic.)

So, what do we do with our children? Well, they learn behavior by watching behavior, so obviously, drinking like a sailor and acting out isn't the way to go. In our house, my partner drinks an occasional glass of wine with dinner. I often drink non-alcoholic wine or beer. Our son has apple juice. Sometimes he has asked for a taste. He kind of liked the non alcoholic beer. Prefers apple juice to non-alcoholic wine (as do many people). He didn't like the 'real' wine, and hasn't asked since a few early experiments.

We explain to him that grown ups drink alcohol, but children shouldn't - it's too strong for their growing bodies, just like some medicines for grown ups are too strong for kids. And we talk about what happens when people drink too much - that some people feel sick or get sleepy when they drink a lot. Just like it's not safe to drive when you're tired, it's unsafe to drive when you drink. We talk about in terms of normal safety rules - you don't ride your bike at night and you don't throw balls in the house.

But mainly - like any lesson for a child - we teach by showing. Hopefully when he's a teenager, and if he is not wired for alcoholism, he'll follow that lead.