Dan's Papers - May 29, 2009 - The Hampton Subway Newsletter

Liza Minnelli took the subway from Westhampton Beach, where she was staying, to East Hampton, where she performed to a sold-out audience at Guild Hall's opening night last Saturday. She looked great, as always.

More people rode the Hampton Subway over the Memorial Day weekend than on any week in the history of the subway. All through the Hamptons, the crowds were enormous, as tourists and summer people clogged the streets. Our Commissioner believes that the rich who come out here might have been financially dented by the big economic downturn, but one thing they are not giving up is their treasured summer in the Hamptons. The helicopter business might be off and the private plane business might be off, but the usual crowd is coming out here and though they can still swagger around about that, they might be going home at the end of the evening with a $2 ride on Hampton Subway. That's the way he sees it anyway.

The Hampton Subway conducted a surprise fire drill at 11 a.m. last Saturday. But it was not a success. The trains were supposed to go to the next station, the straphangers leave the cars, and go up the escalators to the street. But at least half the motormen stopped their trains in their tracks, and the passengers had to be led down the narrow pathways to the stations along the third rail. Also, with the siren noise of the fire drill, the authorities above ground thought it was some sort of enemy attack and sent everybody in all the towns streaming down to the subway platforms where it was safe. So in the end, there were people going in both directions. It wasn't good.

And then it got worse. Less than an hour after the drill ended, a fire DID break out in the subway, in the La Someille dining car on the train between Water Mill and Southampton when a waiter, delivering a chicken flambé dish set fire to the lace curtains and then the entire dining car itself. The diners were evacuated to adjacent cars, the alarms sounded and this time everybody, believing it was another drill, stayed right where they were. Only one woman, a trophy wife who did not want her name used, was injured. She suffered singed eyebrows from the wayward flambé. Overall, it was a traumatic and entirely unsuccessful day indeed.

On Saturday at 11 a.m., author Dan Rattiner will read from his new book, One Year on the Hampton Subway, in the waiting room of the Omni, the headquarters for the Hampton Jitney in Southampton on County Road 39. All are welcome.

The section of the book he will read will be the account of the horrible death of the "Voice of the Hampton Subway," Gladys Gooding, the beloved woman would say, "Watch out for the closing doors" over the loud speakers year after year.

I would like to clarify our pet policy to our riders. Welcome on any car on any subway train are small, cute dogs of the following breeds: toy poodles, bichons, shih tzus and French bulldogs. They must be on leashes and they must be wearing the purple, pink and green bows that will be handed out free by token booth operators who will test the dog's attitude by placing a hand in front of the dog's mouth at ribbon pick up time, and if the dog does not bite, do so. Small cute dogs of the above breeds do NOT mean full grown poodles or black labs or cockapoos or cats of any kind or boa constrictors or giraffes, one of which, I am told, incredibly, was recently brought onto a train at Quogue headed east and taken two stops before the conductors came and gave him the old heave ho, even though it was not his stop.