Dan's Papers - May 23, 2008

Kids' birthday parties have become something of a three-ring circus - literally. Giant inflatable jungle gyms, ponies, clowns, magicians - you need a professional party planner if you go that route. Of course, you could choose an easier softer way, or simply trick your child for the first few years.

Some parents say that the first two birthdays are for the adults, who can enjoy a cocktail and take turns playing with junior, who will probably remember the party anyway. (My response to that theory is always, "Yes, but I will.") You can get away with a lot in those first few years. Looking back, I don't know if we would have had a two-year-old party at our house - those tough toddlers are still into parallel play, disinterested with anything but new toys. We hosted 10 little ones, all interested in our son's new toys. There was a lot of tugging, whacking and crying involved, every five minutes.

Age three was better, a little more civilized with only one major mishap: a child fell onto the pool cover and his mother followed. He was a visiting city kid - they don't always understand the concept of pool covers.

For age three, four and beyond, you could try the "one child per age" strategy. That looks good on paper, but just try telling Pre-K child that he can only invite four friends, after he's gone to a half dozen parties with the whole school class, the tap group, neighborhood pals, and family.

Actually, for us, four was a breeze. We'd gone to Disneyworld as his "big present," so the follow-up party was an oversized play date at Sag Harbor's Mashashamuet Park. He called it his best birthday ever.

But every year the stakes get higher, thanks to other kids' parties. This year our son made a firm request: a surprise party. How can you plan a surprise party for a five year old, when none of his friends know how to keep a secret? It's really very easy: Tell him everything about it - except the date. We planned the whole party right under his nose. He even helped me make his cake. On the day of the event, we told him he had to be interviewed to see if he was mature enough to have the party at the place we chose. We told him we could bring everything that day, and if all went well, we could leave it there.

I went ahead and brought presents, decorations, drinks. The balloons were blown up with helium and in the back of the car. But, when I cracked a window, they started to move toward the front, like a pack of retrievers catching the scent of the ocean. His friends arrived, he waltzed in with my partner and everyone yelled. The party was a huge success and he was completely surprised. But there was another big reason for the success: the venue. It was the Maritime Museum in Amagansett which is part of the East Hampton Historical Society.

Not many people know about this place, but the Maritime Museum is an amazing facility, rich with East End history of baymen and whalers. The photos in the Lives of Baymen gallery are beautiful. The 3-story museum houses real whaling boats, blubber boiling pots and paraphernalia of off shore whaling. In addition to other great exhibits, there's a hands on children's discovery room.

But it's outside where the party really happens. On the grounds in the back there's an authentic gunning shanty with everything a duck hunter might need. There's also a wooden boat collection, including the Dominy whaleboat and the Gil Smith Catboat.

But hands down, best of all is a jungle gym trawler. It's a scaled down fishing boat that the kids go crazy on. For hours, our son and his friends acted out every Peter Pan, pirate and fisherman fantasy imaginable. They were pulled from the deck only with promises of cake and a pinata.

And for the parents? A relaxing afternoon - at least when five to seven year olds are involved. This gang played nicely with little incident.

The rental of the space, at this writing, is an incredibly reasonable $100. You bring everything else - food, drink, décor. Included in that price is a program or two on whaling and other topics, presented by Barbara Driver, Director of Educational Programs. I knew this gang wouldn't sit still for even a short program on a beautiful May day, but they totally enjoyed Barbara's challenge to find 'gold' pirate coins and Nemo pictures. It got them exploring the museum and learning what's there.

And for those not into fishing lore, Barbara hosts birthday programs centered around Colonial games and history at the Mulford Farm Museum, a 1680 structure listed on the National Register of Historic Places. According to the Society that has been left largely unchanged since 1750.

For information on parties at the East Hampton Historical Society's Marine Museum in Amagansett or Mulford Farm in East Hampton, call 324-6850. In addition to parties, both museums are open Memorial Day through Columbus Day weekend. Saturday 10 to 5, Sunday 12 to 5, and Friday and Monday 10 to 5 in July and August. Admission is $4 adults, $3 seniors, $2 students