Dan's Papers - May 16, 2008 - Looking Back At The Election of 2008

Looking back on the election of 2008 a year later, one would have to say it was in many ways far worse than the election of 2000. On the other hand, how it came out in the end was far better.

First, there was the huge mistake that Obama made just as all the primaries were winding up. He had the matter won when that happened. But because of this mistake - and it was so embarrassing I don't want to go into it, we all know what it was - Hillary roared back into contention just in time for the convention.

At the convention, there was the matter of the hanging chads. In 2000 in Florida, they were little pieces of paper unexpectedly still attached to the election ballots.

In 2008, they were two people named Chad, both of whom were superdelegates at the Democratic Convention and both, by remarkable coincidence, from Florida.

Chad Hennington, the Democratic Party Chairman from Tallahassee County, simply couldn't make up his mind who he wanted to vote for when the time came. Neither could Chad Mitchell, the County Executive from Palm Beach County. (Talk about coincidences!)

As Hillary and Obama had battled to a dead heat into the Democratic Convention, it was up to the superdelegates. And they tied too. Except for the two Chads. Eventually, after all sorts of financial incentives, jobs for their children, free vacations and fancy cars were offered to them by both camps, the two men met and decided that one should vote for Hillary and the other Obama, and therefore they'd keep everything.

July proceeded to August, and August to September, and the deadlock continued. McCain, campaigning around the country, built up a huge lead in the polls since there was nobody there to dispute whatever he had to say.

Finally, in October, just three weeks before the election, the Democrats announced their decision. If elected, Obama would be President on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Hillary would be President Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Al Gore was asked, and agreed, to be the Vice Presidential nominee, since neither Hillary nor Obama would agree to taking on that job.

As for Sunday, Bill Clinton would be President. He would fix up whatever messes were made by Hillary and Obama, doing things and then undoing them during the workweek. He also agreed to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom so as not to unduly tilt toward Hillary. Or Obama.

Three debates were held during the three weeks before the election, with McCain on one side, and Hillary, Obama and Bill on the other. And then the Democrats swept to victory in the biggest landslide in history.

The final count showed 75% for Hillary-Obama-Bill and 25% percent for McCain. And exit polls showed that the voters had been split about equally between the candidates. 25% wanted McCain, and 25% each favored one of the other three.

And so today, America moves forward. There's been a lot of improvement in our international relations. Each of our co-Presidents can agree with the world leaders they visit, but then say "I have to ask Bill," or "I have to run this by Obama" or "I'll talk to Hillary" and then get back and say I'm really sorry, you know I agree with you (pat on the back), but it was Tuesday and I had to talk to Hillary. Everybody understands. And the love flows.

On the domestic front, our President, it seems, can be at a flood in Pennsylvania, a parade in Salt Lake City and on the Hill pushing a bill through all at the same time. It's been an amazing performance.

As for McCain, the whole experience of having a lead of 92% to 8% vanish in three weeks caused his mind to snap. He is now living in seclusion in New Mexico, where those who know him say he has built an exact replica of the prison he occupied in North Vietnam, which he seems to like to sit in with the door open.