Dan's Papers - May 8, 2009

Spring has sprung, the flowers have riz, I wonder where the birdies is? Well, spring certainly is here, and you know where the birdies are. They're all hanging out in the trees waiting for your pristine car to be parked within bombing range. First car rule of summer: Trees are archenemies of automobiles. Trees are bird bathrooms. The dreaded tree sap, which many trees seem to drop in the summer season, is almost impossible to get off car paint. There seems to be no remedy, because I've tried everything. Talk to a pro. Bird droppings, if left on automobile paint long enough, will actually burn through the paint like stomach acid, which it actually contains.

Keeping a car clean can become a mania during the summer months, especially for dedicated car nuts. After all, many of these guys have kept their summertime beauties hidden under lock, key and car cover all winter and now's the time to unveil them to the world. Does Angelina Jolie go out in public without makeup? Sometimes I wonder the same about Brad Pitt? Make-up to a car is a fresh wax job. If it don't shine, it won't fly. No serious car guy worth his salt would ever drive a dirty summertime car. Properly waxing a car is not an easy task, and many times the job is best left to professional car detailers. Dark colors, which happen to look the best when waxed, are also the most difficult to wax properly. There is also the problem of getting wax on plastic trim. It's unsightly and difficult to remove. Vintage cars, thankfully, have no plastic trim but they have waxing problems of their own.

Many vintage sports cars have my favorite type of vintage wheels, you know, the ones with wire spokes. They are hard to maintain, but boy are they beautiful when in motion and at rest. However, wire wheels have always been the hardest part of any car to clean and keep clean. All those little spokes with tiny spaces between them to wash, wax and polish have always driven me crazy. Sometimes I think the best wire wheel cleaners are actually dental hygienists by trade. Getting between those spokes is akin to cleaning teeth, only not as easy. My sympathy to all you owners of vintage MGs, Healys, Ferraris and all old cars with wheels of wire.

What a lot of vintage cars have that absolutely no new cars use anymore is a fair amount of chrome on their exteriors. As we all know, virtually every car built today has plastic front and rear bumpers, which I have to admit give many of them sweeping and sexy lines. However, every car of the past had chrome bumpers of all shapes and sizes. American cars, like the 1958 Oldsmobile and 1959 Cadillac, had the most massive chrome bumpers ever put on a car. In a tight parking situation they certainly overwhelmed any bumper protection offered by a '50s MG-A or Alfa Romeo. The point is that these chrome appendages today all polish up to a beautiful luster. In fact, the most rewarding part of polishing any vintage car is admiring how well the exterior chrome shines. For the record, during the '50s and '60s, and today for that matter, one should never park a lightly bumpered imported car behind American iron, especially in a tight parking situation. You are courting disaster.

As for washing your car, and don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with using a commercial car wash, but real car guys don't drive Vespas and use a car wash. They love to wash their own cars. Certain rules apply. Some of these tips you've heard before, and some are insane. First, don't wash the car in the sun, at least during midday. Use lots and lots of clean water. Clean your wheels last, so at least you are not using dirty soapy water on your car. After washing and rinsing it well, dry the car with the best and softest bath towels you can find. Really clean the glass, because nothing makes a car feel right than peering through crystal clear glass. Right after you dry the car, take it for a brisk run around the block. That will blow out a lot of water from the body seams, mirrors and wheel wells. You will probably have to re-dry those areas from water run off. One more reminder: Right after washing your car, check your brakes. In many cars they get soaked and are ineffective for the first few jabs of the brake pedal.

I was recently at a world famous air show in Lakeland, Florida called Fun in the Sun, where hundreds of airplane enthusiasts gather to celebrate aviation and show off their airplanes. There were vintage airplanes everywhere. The two show planes that really caught my eye were both highly polished bare aluminum. One was a magnificent, fire breathing Warbird, a 1944 WW2 P-51 Mustang, and the other a demure little 1949 Cessna. I asked the Cessna owner how many hours it takes to polish all that aluminum. The answer, "About two full weeks." It has to be done yearly. Think about that the next time you sit down to work on your wire wheels.