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Police Blotter
Viagra
A man in Hampton Bays was caught selling the prescription drug Viagra illegally. When he was arrested he limped into the police car. The crime ring has been deflated by police. The flimsy, oh you get the point.
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Case Of Beer
Two teenagers were arrested after attempting to steal a case of beer from a convenience store in Southampton. The teenagers, looking for a party, were also trying to steal candy. Beer and candy, hmmmm.
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Stolen Hot Pocket
A man in Sag Harbor made a run for it after he attempted to steal a hot pocket. Police caught up with the man who was charged with petite larceny. The criminal was drunk at the time of the arrest, which goes without saying, since nobody eats a Hot Pocket in a sober state of mind.
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Television Brackets
Somebody stole $300 worth of television brackets in East Quogue. We have no idea either.
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Public Urination
A man in Hampton Bays was arrested and charged with public urination and possession of a false ID. You guessed it, the guy got caught for relieving himself in public and he tried to pass himself off as his older brother.
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Parole
A man on parole started a fight with a bouncer at a bar in Montauk after he was asked to leave the bar. Police arrived at the scene and the man may be looking at even more jail time.
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Frustrated Kid
After an argument with his father got out of hand, a man in East Hampton became so irate that police were called to the scene. When they arrived, he was unable to calm down and swung a car door into an officer. He was subsequently arrested and taken to jail. Inside his cell, in frustration he swung at the jail cell wall and broke his hand. He was taken to Southampton Hospital for treatment.
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Here's A New One
Were you stuck in traffic late at night last week wondering what the heck was going on? Well we thought we had seen it all when it comes to drinking and driving, but a man in East Hampton has proved us wrong. The drunk driver decided that he needed to pull over and rest, but unfortunately parked his car on the wrong side of the road in the middle of the street. He was quickly arrested, his car was moved and the traffic jam was no more.
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Shelter Island
The police report for Shelter Island is that there is nothing to report.
- Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner
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