Dan's Papers - May 9, 2008 - Classic Cars by Bob Gelber

Believe it or not, what got me thinking about car accidents was a clown in a clown car. As we all know, just recently, the Hamptons' most famous funny man almost got killed when he flipped his little vintage Fiat 500 after the brakes failed. It was a brilliant and brave move, certainly anything but a Bozo moment. In fact, I probably would have done the same thing under similar circumstances.

What Jerry Seinfeld did, when he was about to enter busy Montauk Highway as his brakes failed, was make a bat turn off the road into a grassy field. From the photos I've seen of the accident, it looks like the little 12-inch wheels of the Fiat dug into the soft, muddy grass while the little car was drifting sideways, and the G-forces flipped the car on its side. Luckily, nobody was hurt. I know Jerry Seinfeld must be a good driver. After all, he owns more Porsche sports cars than I have neckties. No joking around, Jerry. Good work, my friend.

Let me tell you that it's very hard to flip over a car. Usually a car will slide. Just about the only thing that will flip it is if the wheels hit something, like a curb or a ditch, while the car is moving sideways. One of the main reasons the dear old Bridgehampton racetrack was considered challenging is because the track was surrounded by sand. It was very dangerous to skid off the track and drift at high speed onto the sandy surface. I've seen many a car get into the land of hurt by doing just that at the Bridgehampton track.

It's hard to flip a car. I know. I've tried it many times. Years ago, one of the many films on which I was hired as an automotive technical advisor was called The Anderson Tapes, starring Sean Connery. Production wise, the biggest action scene in the whole film involved about 50 extras, dressed as police officers, surrounding a large Mayflower moving van. Suddenly, a panel truck burst from the back of the moving van. The script called for the getaway panel truck to flip over seconds after it exited the van. The scene was shot on Fifth Avenue in the 70s. (It's amazing what the NYC Office of Film Production will let you do.)

A Hollywood stunt driver was imported, and as hard as we tried, we could not flip that van. After what must have been six tries, we finally had to cut the van's springs in the direction of the flip. That finally worked. Today, most cars you see flipping in a movie are helped by hydraulic rams in their belly or hidden ramps that give them a healthy shove to become airborne.

The cars that turn over quite frequently in accidents are tall ones, like SUVs and minivans. The obvious reason is that these vehicles have what automotive engineers call high roll centers. Simply put, there is a lot of weight up high. What really scares me is when I see a van or an SUV with stuff on their roof racks, which makes the situation worse. What really exacerbates the problem is that every car today is riding on tires that are very, very good and much wider when compared with tires of just 10 years ago. They really stick to the pavement. When avoiding an accident in a tall vehicle, the sticky tires want to keep the vehicle on the road but this force is overwhelmed by the weight concentrated up high. Flip-de-do. That's why all racecars are built low to the ground. Lesson learned: Avoid skidding sideways at high speeds when you're in an SUV or van like the plague. Better yet, get rid of the thing and buy a small station wagon that gets decent gas mileage and won't flip over like a pancake in the slightest emergency maneuver.

Let me also remind you about the roads in the Hamptons when they get wet. There is something about the asphalt after a rain. My uneducated, sophomoric theory is that the black asphalt seeps slippery stuff, especially when it's hot and hasn't rained in a while and then gets wet. So be here when it's wet. Those beautiful idyllic country roads can really turn on you.

Bob Gelber, an automotive journalist living in the Hamptons, appears regularly on television as an automotive expert. You can email him at bobgelber@aol.com