Police Blotter

Keyed A Car
A guy in Southampton Village was arrested after he was caught by police scratching another person's car with a key. After being arrested, he was beaten up by inmates for committing such a jerk crime. In an odd twist, the guy whose car got keyed deliberately tried to get arrested so that he could fight the guy in jail.

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Stolen CDs
A man in Southampton reported to police that a thief entered his home and stole a collection of 140 CDs from his house. Police advised him to purchase an iPod.

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Driving Stoned
A man in North Sea was pulled over by police for driving erratically and was later arrested for driving under the influence of drugs. It turned out that the man was stoned off of marijuana. The man pleaded, "Dude."

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Nano!
A teenager in East Hampton reported that his iPod Nano was stolen from his car. Police responded to the scene and then filled out a reporto.

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Chukka Stick
A man was pulled over in Southampton and was arrested for having a chukka stick in his possession. What's a chukka stick you ask? Well, it's kind of like numchucks that ninjas use, which are totally awesome. He did not have a permit for the chukka stick, so police had to take him in for the violation. In defense to the man, he is a HUGE Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan.

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Credit Card Gas Theft
A man in East Hampton called police to report that his credit card was stolen. After his card was stolen, he learned that a car was filled up from a gas station according to the credit card company. What the hell have we come to?

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Taurus?
A car was involved in an accident in Water Mill and then left the scene. It was described to police as being a blue Ford Taurus. Police believe that the car may have been the same Ford Taurus that was reported stolen recently. Who the heck drives, let alone steals, a Ford Taurus?

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Not a Friend
A friend of a woman in Montauk stole the woman's credit card and then went out and spent $1,500 on clothes. They are no longer friends.

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Stolen Pants
A man in East Hampton reported to police that he had hung his pants up in his home and went to sleep. When he awoke, his wallet and credit cards were missing from the pants. He immediately called police to report the incident, but first put his pants on.

-Written and Compiled by David Lion Rattiner

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