Dans Papers - May 11, 2007 -Twentysomething...Finishing Up Li'l Abner

I just can't believe how many people turned out to see Li'l Abner, the play that the Springs Community Theater put on last week at Pierson High School in Sag Harbor. Playing Li'l Abner was an absolute blast for me, and I'll never forget it. Every night that we did the show, the theater was packed - it just goes to show what a little community spirit can do. God, I love locals.

There were no real major mix-ups in the show, but I did make one major mistake. However, I have a feeling that nobody noticed, except for the people that went to the show more then once.

What happened was, like an idiot, I completely sang a song wrong during one of the opening numbers. The second show, I think I went out on stage a little too confident that I really knew the song, because within thirty seconds of singing the song "Druthers," I realized I started saying the wrong words. In front of probably 200 people, I started free style rapping the lyrics to "Druthers," which is a song about how Abner doesn't want to get married because he'd "druther" hang out with his homies fishing. The real lyrics to the song go like this.

"If I had my druthers, I'd druther have my druthers, then anything else I know. While you'd druther hustle, accumulating muscle, I'd druther watch daisies grow, while the're growing slowin', the summer breeze is blowing, my heart is over flowing and so, if I had my druthers, I'd druther have my druthers, then anything else, I know, ho ho, then anything else I know."

The way I sang it on Friday night went like this, "If I had my druthers I'd druther have my druthers then anything else I know. While the summer breeze is blowing (inside my brain at this point I started to think, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. But then I brought myself back to when I used to freestyle rap with my brother when I was a teenager) the wind is overflowing and I'd druther go fishing and so. My heart is so tired of trying to get inspired, that I'll sit around for hours and so. If I had my druthers, I'd druther have my druthers, then anything else, I am, yes ma'am, then anything else I am. (For a second I thought about saying, I'd like to eat a big ham, but I knew for sure that didn't make any sense whatsoever).

So just in case you were at the show on Friday and you saw me sing the druthers song and thought to yourself, that song doesn't make any sense at all, don't blame the writers of the song, blame me. I really have no idea what the hell happened. Maybe it was nerves or something, but I completely went blank and just let it go. After all, the show must go on.

At the cast party after the show, I talked to my friend Jayne Freedman, the founder of the Springs Community theater who owns Jayne's Family Cuts in East Hampton, which is where I go for my haircuts. "Don't worry about it," she said, "Nobody noticed."

I took a big bite of pizza and started to feel a little better and then one of the younger cast members, Nick Smith of East Hampton, who played one of my "druther buddies" and sang harmony in the song came up to me and said, "So did you just completely make up that song?"

"Yes, Nick, yes, I did."

"I was listening to it trying to keep a straight face on stage. I was thinking to myself, I don't know where the hell he is going to go from here."