Dan's Papers - April 24, 2009

A man in East Hampton reported to police that somebody broke into his house and threw paint everywhere. The door that the man broke into the house with was opened using a rock. Police have opened up an investigation, and are going to question Jackson Pollock about the incident as soon possible.

An intoxicated man who was pulled over by police in Southampton attempted to get out of a DWI by explaining to the officer he had nothing to drink that night. Of course, things didn't quite add up when he fainted in front of the officer from being too intoxicated. When the man sobered up, he apologized.

A fight between two dogs broke out at the Springs Dog Park last week. No arrests were made, and the two pooches seemed to get along just fine once a few biscuits were thrown around.

A man in Hampton Bays attempted to rob a clothing store that had no cash in its drawer. When the owner explained there was no cash to steal the man became confused and ran out of the store.

A man in Sag Harbor reported that his identity had been stolen after he found several large charges to his credit card that came from pornographic websites. The man later withdrew the complaint when he found out his teenage son was responsible for the charges.

Another brazen display of fireworks were spotted going off in Montauk last week. Apparently, there are some guys out there who went a little crazy while shopping for some firecrackers.

On the North Fork, there was a report of a BB gun damaging the window of a local man's home. The incident is being investigated by guys with real guns.

A man at a bar in Hampton Bays punched another man, who had made a remark about his wife, in the face. The incident was resolved after the man that was punched in the face apologized.

A couple ran out the door of a restaurant in Southampton without paying after running up a tab of about $100. The restaurant manager believes that the couple did not have their wallets on them and left the restaurant out of embarrassment. One of the employees of the restaurant knows the couple, and if they do not come back to pay for their meal, the manager intends to call the police.