Dan's Papers - April 24, 2009 - The Hampton Subway Newsletter

Congressman Chuck Schumer, of Long Island, was seen on the Southampton platform with Vice President Joe Biden last Wednesday. They were on a fact finding tour of the subway. Lucky straphangers saw Leonardo DiCaprio being wheeled through the Amagansett station on a gurney last Thursday afternoon. He plays Cougar Man, a superhero in the upcoming movie Superhero's Revenge. And he was in full costume as he came through. What a treat!

Riders will notice that a dining car is now located in the middle of all subway trains, so that people both in the front and the back can enjoy the service there. Unfortunately, it is locked. Although it was supposed to open this week, we have been told there has been a delay in the arrival of the fresh truffles from Yugoslavia that had been on their way here. The boat bringing them was hijacked by pirates off the coast of Somalia. And so the owners of the four-star French restaurant, Le Somielle, have postponed the opening of the service until next week.

We are very excited to have one of the best restaurants in the world to offer catering services in our dining cars. And with this postponement, we are also postponing telling you the name of the restaurant for another week. Let the suspense build. Oh, I already did?

The Hampton Subway apologizes profusely to everyone for the complete shutdown of the service all day last Thursday. The shutdown was made necessary because a superhero's cape became caught in a subway door at 6:50 a.m. and could not be removed for seven hours because of the material it was made out of.

As we reported last week, a scene from the Warner Brothers upcoming film Superhero's Revenge was shot on our subway system early in the morning last Thursday. The original plan was to have them film between 3 and 5 a.m. when the subway shuts down for maintenance, but as it was a complex scene, the filmmakers got permission to continue until 7 a.m. There would have been just a two hour closure of the system.

The scene, shot over and over again, consisted of the five caped superheroes running across the platform, the bad guys chasing them, and then the superheroes leaping into a subway car at the last minute to make their getaway. The subway car pulls out.

All went well for the first 14 takes. But on the 15th, just before the scene would have to "wrap," the sliding door closed on the cape of Cougar Man and, as the train pulled out, dragged the cape into the sleeve of the door. It could not be removed. And it could not be cut out because, to get realism, Warner Brothers had had it made out of titanium.

Cougar Man, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, was finally extricated after the entire subway casing was dismantled at two in the afternoon. He was taken to Southampton Hospital, treated and released by three. And we were able to get the subways up and running again by four.

Director Ron Howard says that one of the first 14 takes, not quite what they had hoped, but good enough, would be used in the film, and they are done with the Hampton Subway for this film.

In analyzing a ridership study done by Two Brothers Statistical last month, it was noticed that the number of riders going through the turnstiles has not increased, but that the subway cars themselves seem jammed with people.

What we have discovered is that hundreds and maybe thousands of teenage boys have been getting on the subway system and then staying on it, going around and around for hours, playing the hit Xbox video game, On the Subway, that's taken the high schools in the Hamptons by storm. The game is so addictive it's been banned in the high schools. Now it is on the subway.

We did not at first mind On the Subway on the subway, but as more and more kids have begun to play On the Subway on the subway, it's making it harder and harder for regular riders to find seats. We have no law against playing On the Subway on the subway. It is not X-Rated or contraband or anything. But if kids continue to play On the Subway on the subway, we may be forced to institute one. Playing On the Subway on the subway may find its days numbered.

Our souvenir book One Year on the Hampton Subway is now out. It chronicles the riots, escalators gone berserk, explosions, boxing matches, subway car races and the 90-pound raccoon that ate an environmentalist during the attempt to remove her from the subway air vent in Hampton Bays. We all remember that. It is on sale in all four Bookhampton Book Stores (Amagansett, East Hampton, Sag Harbor and Southampton.) It can also be bought either online at danshamptons.com or over the counter at Dan's Papers or by calling 631-537-0500. The cost is $18.48 plus tax, grand total $20.