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| Issue #05 - April 25, 2008 |
Police Blotter
Refused
A man in East Hampton was pulled over after he was spotted driving on the wrong side of the road and then swerving onto the shoulder of the road. An officer noticed that the man's breath smelled like alcohol. He also had bloodshot and glassy eyes, his speech was slurred and he was unsteady on his feet. The man was then asked to perform some basic movements, which he could not do, and then was asked to breath into a breathalyzer. The man refused to take the breathalyzer and then was arrested for DWI. Maybe the next time around, instead of refusing a breathalyzer, he'll refuse to get behind the wheel.
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Stolen X-Box
A man was arrested after he was accused of stealing an X-Box from a home in Southampton. If anybody has ever met a person who plays a lot of X-Box, you would understand that this man should go to jail for ten years for stealing such a precious, precious machine.
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15-Year-Olds
In probably one of the most shocking reports of vandalism in Springs, two 15-year-old boys were arrested after they were connected to a group of heinous acts of vandalism, which included trashing homes, spray painting racial slurs on the sides of houses and stealing ATVs and mopeds. The boys have been charged with a full platter of criminal charges. Unfortunately for them, they will have to deal with more than just a time-out from their mom.
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Inspection Sticker
A man in Southampton that runs an auto shop reported to police that somebody stole 18 inspection stickers from his shop.
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Marijuana
A man in Sag Harbor was arrested after he was pulled over for a traffic light violation. The officer found the man to be driving without a license and then found marijuana on his person. Officers revealed that the man is not really a man, but a living towel.
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Revenge
A man in East Hampton seeking out revenge was arrested after he stole two television sets and a microwave, and then poured sugar in the gas tank of a truck, which destroyed the engine. He was arrested for the acts and charged with being in a vengeful rage.
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Fender Bender
A woman in East Hampton was pulling out of a parking lot when she dropped her purse and left her foot on the accelerator. She had a fender bender with two other cars that were parked. The woman is glad she has her purse because she is going to need it in order to pay for the damage.
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One Mad Ex-Girlfriend
An ex-girlfriend of a man in Hampton Bays was arrested after she slapped him across the face and threw a brick at his vehicle, destroying his windshield. What everybody at the scene of the crime wanted to know was just what the heck did the ex-boyfriend do? It must have been something really, really juicy.
- Compiled and Written by David Lion Rattiner
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