Dans Hamptons

Want to be president? Seems every time I turn on the radio or TV some guy or another is announcing his candidacy. Folks from the South, the West, New England, but not one name from the North Fork.

Now the requirements for running for president are not so tough, really. You have to be 35 or older, and born in the United States. That's about it. And that's why I'm a little embarrassed no North Forker has entered the race. I know the North Fork is a good place to live but you wouldn't have to stay in the White House for more than four years and then you could come back to Aquebogue or Peconic and be a farmer just like George Washington when he went back to Mount Vernon.

I believe it's my civic duty to scour the North Fork and come up with a few viable candidates for the office of president of the U.S. And I know just where to start looking. Why, it makes perfect sense. If someone is president of something, anything, on the North Fork, then he's got experience as president, right? We know North Forkers are intelligent, good looking and well-spoken. Not to mention hard-working and of admirable moral character. So what we have here are winners. No question.

Before I present the candidates, let me make one thing perfectly clear (which president said that?). I know only one or two of the possibilities personally. I've never eaten dinner in any of their homes. And if one of them does become president, I do not expect an appointment to the Supreme Court or a nomination for Secretary of State. Although it might be nice.

Anyway, here we go. There's Edgar Goodale, president of Riverhead Building Supply. I think he'd be a great choice. When you see all his big red flatbed trucks whiz by on Main Road, stacked high with lumber, you just know Mr. Goodale will keep the economy booming. And he could build schools, too. Or how about that animal shelter for Southold, President Goodale?

Then there's Christopher Augusta. He's president of the North Fork Chamber of Commerce. I don't know exactly what those people do, but it always sounds important. It's something to do with promoting an area, I think. Bringing people to the area. Well, look at all the people coming to the North Fork. Mr. Augusta must be very talented.

Here's another good guy. Paul Connor III is president of Eastern Long Island Hospital. I think we should send him to D.C. As president of the U.S., he could cure the health insurance problem without the accompanying headaches, dizziness or intestinal malfunctions.

Enough of the good guys. How about a good woman for president?

Try Phoebe Young Cushman. She's president of Cutchogue Homemakers. No smirks, you male candidates. This is a group of women active in every aspect of North Fork life - from the environment and politics to what's for supper. Nothing escapes their notice. That's what we want in a president.

Or how about the president of Friends of the Cutchogue/New Suffolk Library. That's Sue Micelli. She's a woman who's traveled all over the place. No geographic gaffes for her! Here I'll admit an advantage for the North Fork if Ms. Micelli were to become U.S. president. If you had a Friend in the White House, then when you took Amtrak to Union Station in Washington you wouldn't have to hunt for a cab or use the Metro to get around. President Micelli would send a car for you. And you wouldn't have to pay a lot of money for a room in Holiday Inn. You could sleep in the Lincoln bedroom because of your friend, the president.

To the men again. Fleet's Neck Property Owners Association president is Cutchogue's Tom Wetzel. He's been the president for a long time. Years. Back into the last century. That must prove he's over 35 and has staying power. Is that a prerequisite for staying the course? Presidents seem to love those words. "Staying the course." Maybe Tom's the man for us.

We have lots of other presidents, too. All the teachers' associations, civic groups, religious organizations, sports organizations, have presidents. It's a cinch we've got the winning candidate right here. He may not be a Republican. She may not be a Democrat. But when the next inauguration rolls around, betcha the oath-taker is a North Forker.