Dan's Papers - April 17, 2009 - The Sheltered Islander

Having started at a severe level of autism, my son, Jacob, now functions at a very high level. Thanks to the incredible Special Education team and teachers at Shelter Island School, he graduated with a Regents Diploma last year. Slowly, he is acquiring the life skills needed for independence.

I couldn't be happier. Recently I was wondering, with the advent of corrective genetic procedures, what if I could have changed him to a "normal" child before he was born? Would I do so? Hard to say. But if I knew in that moment what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing about him. I have a son who's completely obedient, never lies (because he doesn't expect to be punished for telling the truth), never jams me for money or to drive the car - not a rebellious bone in his body. He's completely at peace with himself and his view of the world.

Now that autism occurs in 1 of every 150 births, we're going to have a society chock full of these people. We keep trying to get them to socialize more, to learn to tell polite white lies instead of blurting out the truth all the time, and in general, to be more normal - like us.

Then I came upon a website: http://isnt.autistics.org (note: no www), authored by a high-functioning autistic who maintains there's nothing wrong with autistics as they are, and society needs to make room for them instead of trying to change them. He diagnoses normal people as "Neurologically Typicals," or, NTs. Here it is, straight from his site:

"What is NT? Neurotypical syndrome is a neurobiological disorder characterized by preoccupation with social concerns, delusions of superiority, and obsession with conformity. Neurotypical individuals often assume that their experience of the world is either the only one, or the only correct one. NTs find it difficult to be alone. NTs are often intolerant of seemingly minor differences in others. When in groups NTs are socially and behaviorally rigid... NTs find it difficult to communicate directly, and have a much higher incidence of lying as compared to persons on the autistic spectrum. NT is believed to be genetic in origin. Autopsies have shown the brain of the neurotypical is typically smaller than that of an autistic individual and may have overdeveloped areas related to social behavior."

You know what? There's a truth here I never saw before. Autistics don't lie. It doesn't bother them to be perceived as rude or crude. What a timesaver that is! Never to worry about how to say something just the right way because you couldn't care less what the listener thinks. Wow! I think I like it!

Autistics save a fortune on psychotherapy. They don't go to therapists to analyze their relationships because they're not interested in maintaining anything other than most minimal relationships with only their most essential people. For instance, I provide food, shelter, clothing, internet connection and x-box games, therefore I am an essential person and worthy of the occasional acknowledgment as he passes by me.

Autistics are introverted, generally prefer isolation. They never worry about forgetting birthdays, saving money on gifts. They only want friends with the exact same passions as they have, but they're fine on their own regardless.

They hate to travel. It disrupts their routines - that saves a bundle too! They never have to cope with reservations, rental cars or buses. Since everything they need is at home, they prefer to stay home.

They all have strict limitations on foods, eating the same things over and over. What a time and money saver! Their grocery list is the same every week! I used to obsess that Jacob has never had a piece of fruit or even a bite of Thanksgiving turkey, but these foods are not on his list. He has 12 foods. That's it since he was about 11 years old. It bothers me, but not him. I'm what bothers him - me and my NT need to conform to my group which says you'll die without a varied diet.

Autistics have a tremendous economy of emotion, as I call it. They only get upset about breaches in their routine or rituals, which are crystal clear to the people who know them. They never get upset about the news, or what's going on in someone else's life, or medical problems, or anything outside of their immediate control. Imagine only getting upset about the things that you actually control? Wow! That would reduce my verbal output by 90+ percent. My big worry for the day might be finding an earring!

Autistics have phenomenal memory skills. Ask anyone who knows one. When we play Trivial Pursuit Screen Edition at home, we all fight to have Jake on our team because he accurately recalls any dialog from any movie that he has seen. I can't remember what I wore yesterday...

Jacob says, "I'm the Mr. Spock in your life, Mom." He's right. So now, when I look at him, I just imagine him with pointy ears, and suddenly, I rather like him just the way he is.