Can You Hear Me Now? Cellboats Get The Call

By David Lion Rattiner

East Hampton is known for not letting big business stomp its way into town. It's no accident that McDonald's and KFC don't have restaurants there. But when it comes to things like cell phone communication, a real Catch-22 arises. On one hand, the board and the residents don't want to have cell phone towers popping up all over the place, disrupting the natural scenery. On the other hand, having the amount of dropped calls throughout the Town, specifically in Montauk and Springs, can make a person crazy.

A new solution to this problem has been offered to the board, and it's surprising that they have never thought of it before. With all of the controversy over where to put a cell phone tower so that we can all have better reception, you'd think that the idea of putting it in the mast of a sailboat would've come up a long time ago. Cell phone towers on sailboats, or cellboats, as we at Dan's Papers like to call them, are now being considered, and it has raised the eyebrows of just about every board member in East Hampton Town as well as interested residents.

In the past, the general consensus about cell phone towers was that nobody wanted them in their backyards. In other communities cell phone companies would come in a build their towers with little resistance. But in a place in East Hampton, where the land value and economy are joined at the hip with natural beauty, an effort to curb the towers from popping up in unwanted places began. Companies tried to cooperate, offering to hide towers in fake trees, but environmentalists would have none of it. They didn't want the unsightly towers anywhere in sight and the fake trees looked ridiculous. But people don't just want their cell phones these days, they need them. So what was a good town to do?

Thankfully, a very clever company called Omnipoint Communications offered up the idea that seems to be a win/win, showing that if you put in the extra effort, solutions are possible. Putting the cell phone tower inside the large mast of a sailboat that shoots up into the sky seems like a no-brainer. The masts, a common sight, are beautiful and more than welcome in the community.

Bravo Omnipoint. We like your style. It certainly seems like a better plan than the fake trees that can be easily spotted because of the exposed wiring. But what exactly would having cellboats mean?

Well, for starters, a cellboat standing around all year long in a boat yard would be an excellent solution to the dropped call issue in the Hamptons. Nobody would really notice the boat because it would blend in with the others.

But what happens if somebody takes the cellboat out for a sail? Sooner than you think, you might have a conversation in the Hamptons that goes something like this: "Can you hear me now? No? Hmm, I guess George has gone sailing for the day. We'll wait until he gets back."

Of course, this is not the case with cellboats. Omnipoint needs to have these boats in one spot year-round, and plans to use an actual boat to try out the idea. The East Hampton Town Board likes the idea and understands the need for better cellular service. East Hampton Town Supervisor Bill McGintee supports the concept, too.

The only concern about cellboats is that Omnipoint will not use an authentic- looking boat, and instead will create an eyesore. The other concern is keeping people, kids especially, off the boats, which can be solved by keeping the boats in areas that contain other boats and are fenced off.

The plan is to use some of the Town's waterfront property in Springs to place the cellboat year-round. The cell phone company will rent the land that the boat sits on from the Town, and assuming that everything works, the idea will spread to other areas in need.

What a nice little world we live in with man, cell phone tower, and sailboat living together in harmony.

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