Police Blotter

The Grocery Bandits
After leaving her cart alone for just a minute inside of a grocery store in East Hampton, a woman returned to the cart to find that her wallet was taken from it. Inside was $28, her credit cards and her driver's license. She saw the bandits make off in a silver grocery cart, but she couldn't give a license plate description.

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Sad Day For Cats
In Montauk, a plastic cat door on a pet house on a piece of vacant property was burned, along with a plastic garbage can. The garbage can completely melted and the plastic door was partially melted. The reason the pet house was there is because a woman feeds stray cats there on a weekly basis. Police are looking for a group of jealous dogs.

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Trying To Buy Beer
A few youngsters dodged getting arrested last week when they attempted to buy beer at a gas station in Wainscott. The employee behind the counter hit the "holdup" button. Officers arrived at the scene, but the youngsters had already left empty handed. However, they did manage to leave with a couple of packets of Kool Aid, because they were just so cool.

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The Moronic Garbage Idiots
After renting a dumpster in East Hampton, a woman found several boxes and loose garbage inside the dumpster that did not belong to her. Not wanting to share the dumpster, the woman called police and gave the names of the people she believed illegally dumped into her dumpster. The way she figured it out was from the names of people that were written on the dumped boxes. Mental note, if you are going to do something illegal, don't leave your name in big letters at the scene of the crime.

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Arrested For Drunk Driving
A man in Southampton was arrested for drunk driving after he was seen driving on the wrong side of the road by a police officer. When the man tried to take a sobriety test, he was told to touch his nose, but ended up poking himself in the eye. The man was taken to the hospital, where he was pronounced drunk and extremely stupid.

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Taking Another Dump
A cement company was spotted dumping cement out onto the street in East Hampton to lighten their truckload. A man saw the illegal activity and called police. He was quoted as saying, "I saw them stop on the side of the road, open up their back and take a dump right out onto the side of the street." Police double-checked to make sure the man was talking about cement.

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Unhappy Boyfriend
A verbal dispute broke out between a 17 year-old girl and her boyfriend, who is 27 years old. Apparently, the girl wanted to go out alone with a friend and the boyfriend became unhappy and started yelling. Police arrived at the scene and arrested both parties. This leaves us asking the question, what the hell is a 27-year-old guy doing with a 17-year-old girl? Are you freaking kidding me?

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Cell Phone
A man who was kicked out of a bar in Sag Harbor came back a few hours later to retrieve his cell phone. Police were called because he refused to leave the bar. Police arrived at the scene and helped the man find his cell phone and he left the bar. This guy who lost the cell phone really needs to stop wasting people's time.

- Compiled and Written by David Lion Rattiner

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