The Sheltered Islander

Book of the Hanging Gardens

by Sally Flynn

The seed catalogs are here! I look forward to the seed and rose catalogs every Spring. They hail the coming of the season in the same way the Neiman Marcus catalog hails Christmas in August and the huge Visa bills hail January. They give the year a sort of rhythm.

I'm not in shape to garden on my knees anymore, so I now gravitate toward the pages with the hanging gardens. It's amazing what can grow through slots in a hanging plastic bag: cherry tomatoes, strawberries, little peppers and such. They haven't perfected the technology for hanging pumpkins or cantaloupe yet, but I have hope. With this "berries in a bag" option, you can create your own hanging gardens of Babylon right on your front porch.

"We're having lunch on the porch, Sally. Grab a bowl and start picking what you want."

"Wow! Can't get any fresher than this, Judy!"

"Yup. When you filled the bowl, let me know. I'll get the hose and you lean over the railing so I can rinse off your salad."

"What's to drink?"

"Fresh water. I just leave the hose on trickle and hang it over the railing after we've rinsed our salads, that way we can take a sip whenever we want."

"Can I have a glass?"

"No, 'cause then I have to wash it, wastes water and soap."

"Wastes water to leave the hose on drizzle over the railing."

"Nope. I got a washtub under us under the porch. Any excess water gets used to water the flower bed."

"Judy, whatever 'minimalist' book you're reading, I think you might be taking it too far."

"That's what George said when I took away the bedding after we installed the solar panel sunlight directly over the bed. I save water and electricity by not having to wash sheets. I never have to make the bed in the morning and we're both getting a nice, light all-over tan. I always thought I'd hate 'going green,' but the greener I go, the less housework I have. I just got rid of all the carpeting last week."

"So what's on your floors inside?"

"Sawdust. You can get bags and bags for free from the sawmills. I throw it all over the floor and watch the weather report for a really windy day, then I just throw all the windows and doors open and it blows the house clean. George misses the rugs, but he likes the old time barroom smell of the sawdust."

"What if it's not windy anytime soon?"

"Well, I resort to a gas powered leaf blower on those occasions. I can clear out the house in about 10 minutes."

"At least you still have dishes..."

"I kept a few sets for when I have company like you over. Otherwise, George and I just come out here and graze like deer."

"What do you do with the time you save?"

"I'm growing championship giant pumpkins in the yard for the annual contest upstate. In Spring I get the seeds fresh from the catalogs. They're five inches long! They grow to over 1,000 pounds and over 12 feet around."

"How will you get it off the Island?"

"Get a bunch of people together and roll it to the ferry. I figure if the Town can block off roads for all these 5k races, they can block off the roads for a large local vegetable. Once across, a flatbed truck will pick it up."

"You'll have to get someone to wear a big orange triangle for slow-moving vehicles on their rear end while you're all rolling the pumpkin."

"I didn't think of that. Do you suppose there's a different colored triangle for slow moving vegetables?"

"Well, ordinarily a vegetable wouldn't qualify as a vehicle, however in the case of a giant pumpkin, I think you have a precedent."

"Oh yeah, Cinderella ..."

"Works for me."

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