Dan's Papers -March 27, 2009 - Rhyme nor Reason

When you live in a place as beautiful as the Hamptons, it can be hard to believe that the world is in a recession. Even in a down time, this is an area of unabashed abundance: beauty, sunlight and water everywhere. There are neighborhoods here that are so elegant that you can't help but feel rich just driving through them (never mind that a good percentage of the houses on the block are also on the selling block, and maybe a few are in short sale).

In addition to the more opulent, showy spots, there are neighborhoods here that feel civilized and old world, where grace and subtlety prevail over glitz. Rams Head Island off of Shelter Island and some areas of North Haven are islands off of an island that have a feeling of their own. Staid. Untouched. And just a little-old fashioned. Places where old time manners prevail. In these areas, you expect that men in patterned golf pants and women in tweed skirts and pearl earrings and necklaces position themselves in the sitting room each day at 4, drinking a civilized martini, or sherry in an etched glass, weaving dangling conversations between newspaper articles.

What you don't expect is that the deer are equally well mannered. But they are. Last Saturday, driving through North Haven Manor around teatime, there were two female deer in necklaces and earrings in front of a modest, lovely home. They must've realized they were early for cocktail hour. They lingered politely on the sidewalk, so as not to embarrass their hosts before starting up the path.

One wore yellow earrings and a smart white choker necklace with a large pendant. The other had identical earrings and the same necklace in black. Not as understated as you might expect in the Manor, but with their long necks and ample décolletage, deer can definitely pull off bulky accessories like no one else. They seemed to be together, I'd hope so - imagine the embarrassment of arriving at cocktail hour only to see another doe in the same get up. No, they most likely made a mutual decision to wear the same jewelry. Maybe they were sisters - or more likely, twins. You certainly couldn't tell them apart if it weren't for the necklaces.

Is this a new trend? I'd never seen deer in jewelry in western Pennsylvania, but that's a less sophisticated neck of the woods. I went online later, Googling "deer in necklaces." Only jewelry with deer-shaped charms, and necklaces MADE of deer antlers came up. Disturbing. Deer collars brought better results. Scrolling down, there it was!

The photo showing the exact ensemble I'd seen in North Haven was on the website of the Cornell Cooperative Extension. As it turns out, wasn't jewelry. These are ID tags and GPS devices. In the first quarter of 2009, the Cooperative captured deer in cages or nets. Males and females were fitted with numbered ear tags. In addition, at least 10 females in North Haven were given GPS collars. According to the site, "Research staff will monitor the deer fitted with collars regularly. A vehicle equipped with antennas, receiver and other field equipment will be seen frequently during the day and night in the community."

That seems like a lot of work to find out what parties the deer are going to. Granted, there are some celebrities in North Haven, like Jimmy Buffett and John Stewart, but like most residents there, they keep a low profile and would not be happy about paparazzi (let alone a vehicle outfitted for a lunar landing) harassing their guests.

Maybe the Cooperative is more interested in monitoring underage drinking of fawns, or adult deer becoming inebriated and getting involved in car accidents. Hopefully, someone will get to the bottom of this. Preventing accidents is a valid rationale for such antics. But if it's a celebrity stake out, well, that type of privacy invasion is just bad manners.