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| Issue #01, March 28, 2008 |
Police Blotter
Playboy
A police officer in Southampton has been accused of having sex with several different women while on the job. His alleged strategy was to convince women to sleep with him in exchange for not arresting them. He has been suspended without pay and is facing sexual misconduct charges. Although he wasn't protecting the people of Southampton, we do hope that he was protecting himself and his partners on his sexcapades.
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Petty Thief Caught
A man saw two people running from his pickup truck who had just stolen cash from it. He called police who caught up with the suspects and arrested them. $80 was returned to the man and it was a job well done by police.
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Undercover
A man in Riverhead was caught selling drugs to an undercover police officer. The officer quickly arrested the man with the assistance of other officers who were hiding in unmarked cars. When the criminal was arrested, the theme to the television show "COPS" mysteriously started to play in the background.
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Pot Boy
A teenage driver in Southampton was pulled over for driving extremely slowly. When police approached the car, they found the driver to appear giggly. Officers became suspicious when they smelled tremendous amounts of air-freshener in the car. The driver admitted to smoking marijuana and police found a small amount of the substance in his car, along with three pints of ice cream in the back seat. The driver was taken away and was charged.
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Cat Fight
A cat fight broke out in Hampton Bays. Unfortunately for spectators, the fight was actually between two cats.
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Broken Home
A lonely ex-boyfriend was arrested by police after he broke into his ex-girlfriend's home in Southampton to retrieve his dog and some personal items. Police were called and he was charged with criminal trespassing. There is no word yet on whether or not he is going to seek visitation rights for his dog.
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Stolen Beer
A nineteen-year-old was caught stealing beer out of a grocery store in East Hampton. The store clerk called police, who arrived at the scene and arrested the young man. The beer was returned to the store, the thief went to jail and nobody got drunk.
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No Headlights
A man was pulled over for driving with one headlight. When police told the man about the single headlight and his teenage daughter screamed out "PA-DIDLE!" and punched the officer in the arm with a smile. This did not go over very well, needless to say, but an explanation of how the Pa-diddle game works in regard to a broken headlight eased the situation. The teenager left with a warning.
- Compiled and Written by David Lion Rattiner
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